It is difficult for me to understand that we have less than 14 days together with the children and less than 3 weeks left in Nepal. 95 days has soon passed.
I would like to put words down easily, to explain and tell you about everything I have experienced and seen here but it is not that easy. I want to tell you as vividly as possible about how we live our lives here – that too is not easy. I guess, that in one way or the other, that is the way it is with all kinds of experiences. The reflections and the different stages of personal development which you perceive and experience when you step far out of your old and ordinary comfort zones are simply amazing. And they are your own.
On the one hand it is magically easy to be amazed by the beautiful and magnificient nature here. On the other hand it is difficult not to feel disturbed and uneasy when you see how many, many people treat mother earth here, yet, at the same time – what can be done about it apart from feeling bad about it? On the one hand, I completely understand that people are making a living by using yaks and mules to transport goods throughout and along the valleys here. On the other hand, I go mad and my heart breaks when I see the animals being treated poorly or without any respect. On the one hand it is terrific to see how industrious people are here and building up communities just by being smart and business-minded. On the other hand, I feel radically uncomfortable when it becomes so obvious that some people just do certain things only if and when it purely benefits themselves or that greed has been born and acts as some kind of fuel for motivation. This is how I perceive most of the situations, actions and things here, on the one hand or the other. The contrasts are profound and dichotomised. I would like to point out that I am not saying that there is a “rule book” that says that there is any RIGHT or WRONGS in all of this but the hard part is to find some kind of balance where I realise that one cannot be responsible for the actions of anyone else. And it is difficult – because even though I want to focus on the “bigger picture” – I would still like to see the whole picture through clear eyes and not through some kind of veil. I try to remind myself of this so that I do not end up being fooled by myself.
I also realised just the other day that I have really forgotten how it is to live “civilised” – after all, we do live high up in the mountains and life is very different here from what I am used to. I cannot really say that I have missed anything – one only needs so little anyway. But I must say, that the thought of not being cold constantly, being clean, having clean clothes and to be able to eat fruits, vegetables and protein are..quite attractive at this point. We could not stop laughing when we realised that back home in Sweden, we would have had about 100 showers by now – up here we will not even have had 15 showers by the time we leave. We have not seen ourselves in a mirror – in a very, very long time. But it is all vanity’s choice of essentials anyway
Exercise as we know it back home has been non-existent here. However, we have been trekking 6-7 days a week at an altitude of 3000 meters. I am wondering if I will feel like as if I am soaring along the streets in Stockholm when I am home for 3 days repacking.
As I am preparing myself to leave the children and Nepal – I instantly feel some kind of void towards everything here, yet, I am also – for the first time here – missing friends, family and other things.